Happy Fall!

How can summer be over already? But here we are, sliding into Fall and right into the new school year.

As Summer Ends, the New School Year Begins…

Do you remember that feeling of butterflies on the first day of school? Wondering how things will go, if your teacher will be nice, or if you’ll be able to sit by your best friend. For most kids, it’s a combination of excitement and trepidation. Whether your little one is stepping into a new classroom for the very first time, or moving up to the next level or grade, this transition is a big deal!

For many families, it is reassuring to get back into the familiar schedule and routine of the school year. There is comfort in the structure. For others, getting back into that flow is more of a challenge, with earlier wakeups and the bustle of morning routines. For all of us, it is a time of changes.

Transitions can be messy, and they also lead to new excitement and growth. So, whether you’ve already found your flow, or are running around looking for that lost shoe, we’re here for you! In this edition, you’ll find ideas for navigating the start of school and smoothing not only this big transition, but the many transitions we experience with the little ones in our lives.

Here’s to parenting with more peace and more joy!

~Tammy & Shannon

Tips & Tools: Just 2 Choices

With kiddos headed back to school, it is also back to all the choices in the morning routine. What to wear? What to have for breakfast? What to pack for lunch?

Giving kids choices builds independence, confidence, and supports decision making skills. It also reduces power struggles and encourages cooperation. But for many kids, especially in the mornings when we are rushing out the door, too many choices can lead to overwhelm.

A great trick to combat the overwhelm of too many choices, but still give children the opportunity to choose, is to give them “this or that” options.

“Do you want to wear these blue pants or your pink skirt?”

“Do you want eggs or cereal for breakfast?”

This allows children to maintain agency in their own lives as they learn to make choices for themselves, while also preventing meltdowns from too many options, or not having any choice at all. So, would you like this or that?  

Big Topic: Handling The Challenges of Big Transitions

This issue Big Topic dives into the challenges of big transitions. Kids heading back to school certainly ranks high on the list. And can be a shift for the whole family. Whether starting a new school, or moving up into the next class, it's sure to stir things up. While it is generally an exciting time, it can also be overwhelming and scary for our little ones. It’s common to see some less than desirable behaviors. For some kids we may see some acting out, hitting or kicking classmates, breaking rules, or not following directions. For other kids, parents and teachers might notice they are more quiet and reserved, or even see regressions around potty training or sleep.

Most young children aren’t yet able to articulate why they’ve behaved in a particular way. They may be able to tell you what they were supposed to do, but that doesn’t mean they were able to do it in that moment. You can definitely have a conversation with your child about why it’s not okay to hit a classmate, or the need to follow certain rules. It’s much more useful, however, to delve into the circumstances or reasons for your child’s behavior. Behavior is communication! What is the behavior saying? With some conversation you might get some insight into the specifics of where the difficulties lie. And from there you can create supports to help. In general, the communication is that this transition is difficult, needing a little extra understanding, some extra tlc, along with a bit of time and support to settle into the changing rhythm and routine. While limits and expectations need to be clear and consistent, when we guide and support our kids through difficulties, they not only learn to work through challenges, they also learn they can trust us with their frustrations and fears. It is also key to be an example of emotional regulation for your child, modeling working through the challenges, rather than becoming dysregulated yourself over their frustrating behavior. Not always easy.

These big transitions generally result in some type of change or loss of routine. So, one way to help support our kids is to ensure a consistent home routine. It is also helpful to incorporate more outside time and movement into your child’s daily routine. If you child is able to verbally express how they are feeling, make sure your response is affirming and does not minimize or negate their experience, ensuring they feel heard and understood.

For children who are new to school, they may also be dealing with the fear of the unknown. Pretend play at home about school, or reading books about school, may help alleviate some of these fears. It can also be very helpful to give your child a brief walkthrough of the following day at bedtime. That can look like, “Tomorrow is a school day. After we wake up, we will get dressed and have breakfast. Mama is going to take you to school. When you are at school, you’ll see your teacher and friends. Daddy is going to pick you up from school. After school, we’ll have lots of time to play before we have dinner. After dinner we’ll have a bath and then read stories before bed.” You might even ask questions that provide something to look forward to, such as: “What is your favorite thing that you will do at school tomorrow?”

As children settle into the school year and their new routine, behavioral challenges will soon lessen. The rate at which they lessen will vary wildly by child. It’s also common for challenges to pop back up after school breaks, holidays, or other major life events. It's frustrating as parents when our kids act out and engage in behaviors when we know they know better. Understanding that it is normal and simply communicating a need for a little extra love and support, helps. Then we can connect and guide them through the challenges that naturally come with transitions.

The Guiding Mindset in Action: Afternoon Restraint Collapse

“Afternoon restraint collapse” is the phenomenon by which a seemingly happy, pleasant child turns into a little beasty the second they walk in the front door after school. Have you had that little beast come through your door?

It helps to understand that this is a very common and developmentally appropriate phenomenon. Your child has held it together all day and now they are home. Home is their safest place, and you are their safest person. It is safe to let go. They can finally not hold it together any longer. (Perhaps you also experience some version of this yourself when you get home from work?)

Understanding afternoon restraint collapse doesn’t make it easy to handle. But there are lots of ways to meet your child’s needs in a way that will limit the intensity.

At 9, my son has developed pretty solid emotional regulation. He can deal with disappointment, frustration, and conflicts with his friends quite well. Unless he’s hungry. If H gets too hungry, it’s like every bit of reasoning he usually possesses flies right out the window. So, I make sure that he has a snack available as soon as he gets home from school.

I’ve also learned over the years that I will get exactly zero information about his day if I ask right after he gets home. H needs at least 30 minutes of chill time to decompress before any questions directed at him are answered with one-word replies.

Each child is different. They may need snuggle time and a chat right after they get home. Or a big glass of water and a bike ride around the neighborhood. It’s our job as parents to learn our child’s unique quirks and build an after-school routine that meets their needs and helps them decompress.

We look forward to supporting you as you support your kids and family. We’re here with tips and tools to help you on your parenting journey. Do you have questions or topics you’d like to know more about? We’d love to hear from you! Send us an email with your questions to be featured in upcoming Newsletters.

Click on the links to Follow Us on social media for additional parenting tips and insights. Don't miss future newsletters...subscribe now!

The Guiding Mindset Newsletter brought to you by: Tammy Ulrich - parenting & early childhood educator, and her daughter, Shannon Achilles, mom to 9 year old H.