March 2026 Parenting Notes
We’ve been thinking about the idea of obedience.
It reminded us about one of my feistier moments as a little human (and there were more than a few). I was around 3 at the time. I had a friend over to play. It was time for her to go home, so Mom told us to go clean up. A few minutes later, she checked in on us to find we were not cleaning up! We were clearing all the shelves and dumping every drawer into a big pile in the middle of the floor. It was a huge mess.
In remembering this, it occurred to us how much more challenging that moment could have been if my mom’s focus had just been on obedience. It could have turned into shaming, a full-blown power struggle, with yelling and punishment for my not doing what I was told.
Luckily for me, my mom’s ultimate goal wasn’t just obedience.
In what world would you not want your child to do as you say?
Actually…in this one. Hear me out...
Most parents want to raise children who are critical thinkers, who question, problem solve and make thoughtful decisions.
We don’t get an adult with those skills if we are parenting from a strict ‘do as I say’ framework.
This is not to suggest that children should be given free rein to run wild, or that expectations don’t have to be met.
Kids thrive with clear and consistent boundaries. They need them.
But we can also create a space that allows children to question, to discuss, and to understand decisions and consequences. To understand why.
Having a family dynamic that allows for questions and discussion fosters a sense of family unity – we are all in this together. Collaborative decision-making conversations grow a child’s sense of logic and foster a problem-solving mindset.
And you are more likely to get cooperation from your child when they are part of the process.
It makes parenting easier.
Going back to the Little Shannon story, for very young children, collaborative problem solving can look like asking what they’d like to pick up first, for instance, the stuffies or the blocks. Then continuing to break big task into smaller pieces, following up next with the blocks, then the dolls, and so on. For older children, it can look like asking them what they see needs to be done, then letting them set the steps for what’s next. You know your child best and can predict the level of support needed.
The end goal isn’t obedience – it is seeing a problem and knowing how to find a solution. The result is a kiddo who’s just worked out a problem by thinking for themselves.
Yay for life skills that are vital to adulthood.
With you on the journey,
~ Shannon & Tammy
“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.” ~Margaret Mead
We look forward to supporting you as you support your kids and family.
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The Guiding Mindset Newsletter brought to you by:
Tammy Ulrich - parenting & early childhood educator
and her daughter, Shannon Achilles, mom to 10 year old H.
