It’s Spring!

The days are getting longer, coats are being discarded, and spring fever is in full swing. The flowers are blooming and the birds singing, beckoning us out to enjoy nature. Kids and nature just naturally go together. Now’s the perfect time to refresh routines to make more time for outside activities. There’s nothing quite like free play in nature for children’s learning and development. Refresh the sandbox, go on a hike or stomp through a creek, have a nature scavenger hunt, create a mud kitchen, go on a camping trip – what are some ways your family can get outside to relax and explore nature together?

With Earth Day in April, it's the perfect time to not only enjoy nature, but to consider what little steps we can take to care for the planet. Perhaps starting a family garden, making a bird feeder or putting up a bird house, having a trash pick-up, or considering ways to reduce plastic or single use containers. Ask your child what ideas they have. I’m continually inspired by kid’s ideas for taking care of plants and animals. Many communities have Earth Day events and celebrations. Check with your local library, city website, or events on social media.The Child and Nature Network provides information and ideas for families to connect outdoors.

Tips & Tools: Just Add Water!

Have a dysregulated little person? Just add water!

Water is naturally calming. The sounds and sensations are soothing and comforting. It’s a great tool to engage when your child is out-of-sorts, overwhelmed, or emotional. A bath or swim, stomp in the rain, or other water play will often totally change the course of the day.

Water play provides sensory regulation, engaging all the senses to calm the nervous system, helping to regulate the brain and body. It provides an outlet for releasing emotions, particularly for little ones who can’t yet verbalize feelings. It provides a safe space to regain control, at their own pace. It’s a great way to regain the peace.

Here are a few water play ideas:

1. Pull up a stool and let kids play in the sink or “wash” dishes. (Also a great way to occupy kids while you’re working in the kitchen.)

2. Provide a small tub or waterplay table with items to explore.

3. Play in a sprinkler or small pool.

4. Items to provide beyond the usual water toys: cups, spoons, whisk, handheld eggbeater, funnels, sponges, measuring cups, turkey baster, small pitcher, small dishes, ice cubes, water wheel, nature items -- whatever you’re okay with getting wet. Add a little soap or food coloring for new interest.

5. Water painting: a bucket of water and a brush

Keep in mind it is very likely there will be water splashing about. Prepare for your child and the surrounding area to get wet. Make sure to have a non-slip surface and change of clothes. And of course, supervision.

Big Conversations: The Birds & The Bees

The Big Conversation for this edition of our newsletter is THE big conversation: Where do babies come from? Tammy’s daughter, Shannon, is mom to 9-year-old H and breaks down the evolution of their conversations on sexuality and sex.

We’d like to preface this conversation by acknowledging that talking about our bodies and sex can be challenging for a lot of us. We gently invite you to get comfortable being uncomfortable. Consider your own upbringing. For many of us, it wasn’t a topic our parents were very open about. We may have been brought up to see our sexuality and sex as shameful or bad. However, presenting information to your child in an open, shame free manner, allows them to grow up without many of the hangups many of us have. Sexuality is part of our overall development. Its beginnings have nothing to do with actual sex. It’s about being comfortable in our bodies.

These conversations are easier when we have a history of open communication with our kids on a variety of topics, being open and willing to answer questions as they arise. For your child to know they can come to you with anything difficult, and you’ll be there to support and talk it through with them. Being aware of what your child is curious about, and what they are talking about with their friends, will help you know when it’s time to have certain conversations.

For H, we had many conversations that I think of as pre-sex talks when he was little. I talked about what I was doing during diaper changes and bath time, making a point to use proper body part names, and making sure he knew his body was his own. When greeting relatives or family friends, he had the option of whether to give hugs, high fives or a wave.

The first conversation we had around an actual reproduction topic was a pretty typical “where do babies come from.”

H was late preschool age when he first asked about this, probably around 4. I told him there are 3 things you need to make a baby: a sperm, an egg and a uterus. That was it. This satisfied his curiosity for a while.

Then came new questions when H was around 5. Where do the sperm, egg and uterus come from? Because of my own history, it was important to me to discuss this in an inclusive manner of the various ways a baby can actually come about. I told H that usually a mom supplies the egg and the uterus, and the dad supplies the sperm. But we also talked about surrogacy, sperm donation, and IVF, emphasizing that not every family has a mom and dad that can provide everything that is needed.

After having this conversation in various ways with different nuances, I figured it was only a matter of time before H asked HOW this sperm and egg meet and grow into a baby. I was ready! I had age-appropriate books, and I had practiced versions of potential conversations SOO many times. A year passed, and then another. H never asked the question that would lead to The Big Talk.

When H was 8, we were in the car driving home from summer camp. He had a camp friend who had gotten in trouble for making moaning sounds. H thought the sounds were funny and didn’t understand why they were inappropriate. This was the opening that resulted in “the talk.” Before diving in, I told H that the conversation we were headed into was a big one and asked if he was ready for that. His curiosity was definitely peaked, and he said he was ready for a big talk.

I told H that sex is the action by which two adults typically make a baby. A penis goes in a vagina and sperm, that starts in the testicles, travels through the penis and into the vagina. (H already knew these words from previous conversations.) Once in the vagina, the sperm go through the uterus and fallopian tubes until they find an egg. Only one of the sperm can enter the egg. Once the two combine it creates something called a zygote, which is the beginning of a baby. (The book It’s NOT the Stork, by Robie Harris, was super helpful in creating my mental script for this part of our chat.)

H and I also talked about the moaning. That sex usually feels really nice to grownups and that it is a way for adults to share their bodies as an act of love. I also mentioned that sex is a big thing to learn about and it’s a conversation that should be between a child and their parents. He should not go around sharing this newfound information with his friends.

There were other key topics that were important to me to highlight in this first actual conversation about sex, beyond the physical mechanics. We talked about sex being only for adults and is ideally experienced by people who care deeply for each other. We talked about media depictions (porn, movies or magazines) not being for kids. And most importantly, that I am always here for questions. I also reiterated that sometimes additional help is needed to make a baby. This resulted in H proclaiming that when it came time for him to make a baby, he would likely want to go the IVF route.

H is 9 now and I have a whole list of topics that we will discuss as it feels appropriate - porn, consent, healthy relationships, and so on. My takeaways from the last few years navigating this topic are that it’s definitely not one conversation. It’s an ongoing dialogue. By having it be an open, ongoing dialogue, it makes each individual conversation lower stakes and takes a lot of the pressure off of you as a parent. We support kids though all the other areas of development. Sexuality should be no different.

See the Resource page on our website for children’s books & information on the birds & the bees.

The Guiding Mindset in Action: From helping you to independent chores

Need to do some spring cleaning?

Getting kids involved in household chores, or even just putting their things away, can be a challenge! Considering our approach and our mindset about these tasks, can make all the difference. Are chores something negative to be avoided? Are they used as a punishment, setting them up to be seen as something bad? Or are they just part of life, with everyone working together and contributing to the family.

It is ideal to start during the toddler years when little ones are just naturally eager to do all of the things they see you doing. It begins with letting your child participate in the day-to-day tasks with you. Consider what they can do along with you, then take the time to show them how, breaking it down into smaller steps. It will slow you down a bit, and they won’t always do it exactly “right,” but they are helping, and you are setting the stage for them to be a contributing member of the family. Even very young toddlers can help by putting clothes in the basket, helping push the vacuum, taking dishes out of the dishwasher to hand to you, setting the food bowl down for the dog, helping wipe up spills, or putting toys away. As their ability increases, they can help set the table, match socks, fold laundry, water plants, help prepare food or pack their lunch, and so on. The key is to make it a part of everyday life, working together. As children’s ability and independence increases in the elementary years, they can begin to take on specific chores on their own.

A few tips for success:

1. It’s a family affair. We all work together to take care of each other and our home.

2. Make it fun! Turn on music, make it a dance party, race the clock, who can pick up the most?

3. Show your child how, modeling slowly and clearly. Then let them try. Support as needed.

4. Allow for imperfection. It’s more about the process than the end result. (for kids, anyway) If you have to “fix” it, do it when they aren’t looking. Don’t take away their feeling of accomplishment.

5. As children get older and are doing chores on their own, let them have a choice in which ones they’ll take on.

6. Acknowledge and celebrate hard work. Show appreciation. “Wow! You really worked hard! Look how nice the toy shelf looks.” “Thank you for putting the clothes in the drawers. That helped a lot.”

In addition to getting chores done with less drama and difficulty, children learn how to work together, take care of others, and that everyone matters. They develop motor skills, coordination, independence, and confidence, along with necessary life skills.

Do you have questions or topics you’d like to know more about?  We’d love to hear from you! Send us an email with your questions to be featured in upcoming Newsletters.

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