Summer Newsletter
Hurray for Summer!
School’s out! Happy, excited kids are looking forward to summer break, while parents wonder what to do with their kids all day long. Summer camps fill up offering fun activities and adventures. Still, there seems to be more time left for parents to keep little minds and bodies occupied while juggling work, family vacations, and the many demands of parenting.
Summer is a wonderful time for fun, new adventures, and the creation of wonderful childhood memories! But for many parents, it’s not all relaxation and lemonade. We may fluctuate between those moments when all we hear from our kids is, “I’m so bored!” to cringing when we find them halfway up a tree or trying some new seemingly dangerous feat. In this edition we’ll look at how boredom and risk taking can actually be good for kids. And, while in our last newsletter we talked about bodies and the big talk, this big conversation explores not talking about bodies.
While you navigate the joys (and occasional chaos) of summertime and raising little humans, be sure to make time for your own bit of relaxation and lemonade, or whatever it is that fills your cup. Ensuring a few moments for yourself will help you stay calm, patient and present to fully enjoy summer fun with your kids.
Here’s to summertime magic and memories, with parenting ease!
Tips & Tools: Reframing Boredom
With kids out of school for the summer, rhythm and routines change. For those children who are used to a more structured life with less downtime, it’s not long before you’re bound to hear how everything is “sooo boring.”
For many parents hearing, “I’m bored,” feels like a call to action, feeling that it is up to them to keep their kids entertained. We’d like to gently suggest a reframe. Boredom can be beneficial to kids! Sitting with that boredom allows kids to work on emotional regulation. And, it provides opportunities for problem solving, creativity, and imagination.
When my son comes to me with his puppy dog eyes and tells me, “There’s nothing to dooooo! I’m sooo bored,” I like to respond with “Oooo! Lucky you! I can’t wait to see what you end up finding to entertain yourself.” This is typically met with an eyeroll, but he does usually end up making a cool new LEGO creation or figuring out a new trick on his skateboard.
So, it’s not up to you to always provide the entertainment, although kids do need our time and engagement too. It may be necessary to provide some guidelines (such as on safety, screen time, or places to play) and maybe a few initial suggestions. Beyond that, sit back and see where their imagination takes them.
Big Conversations: (Not) Talking About Bodies
Kids are curious. It is totally normal and developmentally appropriate for them to wonder about other people’s bodies, especially if they see someone whose appearance is different than what they commonly see. At the same time, it can be hurtful to others, and embarrassing, when kids make a comment about someone’s appearance. Even a seemingly positive comment may cause someone to feel uncomfortable. So, we do need to teach kids that commenting on someone else’s appearance is not polite; while also remembering it is a process. We can appreciate our children’s curiosity and help them to gain an understanding of people’s similarities and differences, while also teaching empathy and acceptance.
I happen to be one of those people with really pale skin. I’ve heard all the jokes about needing sunglasses when looking at me. One day I was sitting outside a coffee shop when a little girl and her mother walked by. The little girl, who incidentally was also white, looked at me and exclaimed, “Mama, she is white!” Well, I chuckled, but the mom was horrified! What do we do when our kids make such comments!?
First, take a breath to calm your own embarrassment while remembering that such questions are perfectly normal, and an opportunity for learning. Very young kids are observant and curious, often pointing out what they see without having any kind of a filter, or intention to offend. To make sure we don’t send the message that differences are bad in some way, it is important to acknowledge your child’s comment, and respond in a positive, validating manner that leads to inclusivity.
We can simply say, “Yes, people come in all different shades of colors, don’t they?” Or “Isn’t it cool how we all are a little different?”
If your child notices someone with a disability or visible illness, after a brief response in the moment, you can later return to the conversation as an opportunity for further learning and understanding, prioritizing brief, factual answers and avoiding adding your own interpretation as to how that person may feel. We want to let our kids know that it is okay to be curious, and that when they have questions to come to you, but that we also need to be considerate and respectful of others.
There is a difference between a child casually commenting about how someone looks, being genuinely curious, versus making comments about someone’s appearance. Kids often don’t consider how hurtful words can be. For instance, if Jake points out that his friend’s new glasses make him look silly, you can calmly say that it’s not okay to comment on someone’s appearance. Then, take it as an opportunity to discuss how that person may feel when things like that are said, promoting kindness and empathy, as well as that it’s much more important who someone is than how they look.
The most impactful part of this “conversation” however, is how you, as a parent, speak around your child. If they notice you are constantly commenting on how others look, or making negative comments about others, they aren’t going to take you seriously when you say that’s not appropriate.
The most important thing to highlight is that everyone is “different” in some way. We want to be respectful and inclusive of everyone, regardless of appearance, developing an appreciation for all.
The Guiding Mindset in Action: Risky Play
“Be careful!” How often do you hear yourself saying that? It’s our job to keep our kids safe! Did you know that allowing (reasonable) risk actually makes kids safer?
Risky play involves activities that push a child’s skills and tests their limits, but is not excessively dangerous. Risky play is always relative, depending on a child’s development and abilities. It supports children’s physical development, aids in understanding future risk, and builds self-confidence. Children learn they can do hard things and develop a growth mindset as their confidence and abilities increase.
Reasonable risk helps children learn to navigate their world. It allows them to try out what their bodies can do and strengthen ability. It supports the development of the proprioceptive and vestibular systems that provide sensory input necessary for body awareness and control of movement.
While there are certainly those little dare devils, most kids have a general awareness of what they can and can’t do, along with a healthy caution. With practice, children can identify a situation that is unsafe or outside of their skill set and make changes to ensure their own wellbeing. Some kids may even need a little extra encouragement to test out their abilities and try new things.
Risky play involves things like height (climbing to the top of a tree), speed (going down a hill on their bike), or rough-and-tumble play (play fighting or roughhousing). Depending on the age of the child, supervision during risky play is important. At the same time, parents should give their child ample opportunities to engage with risk without interference. If you do feel the need to step in, rather than stopping what they are doing or saying, “be careful,” try calling attention to the potential concerns. “Do you see that sharp stick?” “Did you notice that rock wobbled a lot when you stepped on it?” “Do you have a plan to get back down?” And sometimes you might just need to hold your breath and know it’s all part of healthy development.
We look forward to supporting you as you support your kids and family. We’re here with tips and tools to help you on your parenting journey. Do you have questions or topics you’d like to know more about? We’d love to hear from you! Send us an email with your questions to be featured in upcoming Newsletters.
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The Guiding Mindset Newsletter brought to you by: Tammy Ulrich - parenting & early childhood educator, and her daughter, Shannon Achilles, mom to 9 year old H.
