Repair: Coming Back Together

How many times have you impatiently snapped at your child, then wished you could take it back?

For the two of us, Shannon and Tammy, too many to count. There are certainly times when H has pushed Shannon to the limit. And Shannon could certainly tell you stories of times Tammy went over the edge.

What matters most is what we do when it happens.

Summer is heating up! As temperatures rise, emotions can rise too. Kids look forward to a break from school with summer fun, but for parents it means navigating a season of changing schedules, trying to balance work with kid’s activities and care, and lots of additional moving parts. Add in trips and vacations along with visits with family and friends and our predictable routines are off on a definite summer vacation of their own. Less structure and predictability, along with fluctuations in boredom and excitement, turns up the heat on kid’s challenging behaviors. It all naturally leads to more stress and conflict. What’s a parent to do when the tension boils over and we react in a way that’s less than ideal?

The best way forward is to repair and reconnect.

Coming back together

Repair is the process of reconnecting after a difficult moment. Maybe your patience flew out the window, you yelled, threatened, or responded in a way you wish you hadn’t. Many of us just move on, in spite of the lingering hurt and uneasiness. Repair means intentionally coming back together to reconnect, restoring and strengthening the relationship in the process.

When we realize we reacted in way we don’t like, if we haven’t already returned to our happily regulated self, we need to take a moment to again find our calm. Then repair can begin with a simple apology, and perhaps a request for a Do-Over.

Simply, “I didn’t like how I reacted before. I’m sorry. Could we try that again?”

Do-overs provide a powerful lesson to our children. It lets them know that we all make mistakes, and when we do, we can acknowledge them and try again.

From there we can take a moment to talk through the situation with our child, listening to their perspective and acknowledging their feelings as well. Together, we can find a better way forward, turning a difficult moment into an opportunity for connection and learning.

Why does it matter?

Repair is important because it strengthens connection and trust. It models how to take responsibility when we make a mistake, make things right again, and move forward together. It also sends a powerful message: We all make mistakes. What is important is what we do when it happens.

Many adults talk about the hurt or resentment they felt as kids when their parents didn't own up to their mistakes. With repair, we can create a better experience for our children. And in the process, they learn how to do it themselves as they grow up.

With you on the journey,

~ Shannon & Tammy

“It’s so important to be a bad parent often. This way if our kids become parents, they will be able to forgive themselves for being human- Because they’ve seen us do it.”
– Glennon Doyle

Don't miss future Parenting Notes...subscribe now to receive Parenting Notes in your inbox!

We look forward to supporting you as you support your kids and family.

Click on the links to Follow Us on social media for additional parenting tips and insights.

Do you have questions or topics you’d like to know more about? We’d love to hear from you! Send us an email with your questions to be featured in upcoming Parenting Notes.

The Guiding Mindset Newsletter brought to you by:
Tammy Ulrich - parenting & early childhood educator
and her daughter, Shannon Achilles, mom to 10 year old H.