Happy Winter!

It’s the holiday season! Whether this time of year brings you comfort and joy, or makes you feel a bit grinchy, we’re here to sprinkle a few ideas and a little inspiration to help make the season merry and bright. Thanksgiving through New Year’s is such a busy time. Whether or not you celebrate Christmas, we are all bombarded with holiday decorations and music, displays of toys one just can’t live without, gatherings to attend, and so many expectations.

Whatever your traditions, we’ve here for you with tips and strategies to navigate the season with peace and joy. We’re very pleased to offer our parenting course, Navigating the Holiday Frenzy. Turn the frenzy into true magic as you learn how to create your very own evenly paced holiday with strong traditions that specifically fit your family.

You can also check out the article Navigating the Holidays on our website, or last year’s holiday newsletter for additional tips. You’ll find many additional parenting articles, resources, and information on the website as well.

It’s our birthday! We’re a whole one years old! 🥳The Guiding Mindset launched a year ago, and the holiday edition was our very first newsletter. We’re still just a baby, but we’re growing up—and we have so many exciting plans ahead.

We’d love your help keeping us growing! Share our newsletter with other parents, follow us, and spread the word on social media (links below). We look forward to connecting and growing our community, offering ideas, support and inspiration to more families like yours.

Currently we are working on another parenting course, From Chaos to Calm: Positive Guidance for Peaceful Parenting, to help you decipher the communication of behavior. It is especially exciting for me, Tammy, as I am working with my daughter, son, and daughter-in-law to create the course.

Did you know I’m writing a book? I’ve been hesitant to say much about it because I’ve been working on it for what seems like forever. But I am just finishing up this draft, and it will be on its way for developmental editing before the end of the year. (Special thanks to Melody and Author Nation.) There’s still much to do before publishing. I’ll keep you posted on its progress.

Keep reading for this edition’s tips and tools, big topic, and a new idea you can put into action now. Wishing you and yours a very merry!

Here’s to parenting with peace and joy!

~Tammy & Shannon

Tips & Tools: Holiday Hugs (or Not)

Susie, very excitedly: “Mom! Dad! Grandma’s here!”
Susie opened the door and waited while Grandma came up the walk.

Grandma: “Hi Susie! I haven’t seen you in ages! Come give me a hug.”
Susie looked nervous. She loved her grandma but was feeling a little shy and hesitant.

You: “Susie, Grandma asked for a hug. Would you like to give a hug, or maybe a high five or a wave?”

Susie, relieved: “High five!”

You: “Great! Grandma, Susie isn’t feeling a hug, but she’d love a high five.”

The holidays set up many opportunities for children to see relatives and family friends that they may not encounter often, or that they may not be comfortable giving physical affection to. We empower our kids by respecting their comfort and personal boundaries, while also teaching manners and social graces. Parents and caregivers help children navigate these interactions by offering ways they can politely engage with family and friends in a way that feels comfortable to them. Just as adults choose how they express affection and greetings, our kids have that right too. If a hug or kiss feels like too much, options like a handshake, high five, or wave may help them feel more secure and supports body autonomy. 

Big Topic: Setting Realistic Expectations Around the Holidays

The holidays can be a time of joy, but they can also be a bit stressful. In a perfect world, the focus of the holidays would be on togetherness with family and friends, as well as for many, honoring faith traditions. In the real world, the focus of this time of year often turns towards curating the perfect, Insta worthy day -- with the associated hit to our bank accounts.

We encourage you to start by taking a step back to set realistic expectations for yourself and your kiddo(s) as we move into this “most wonderful time of the year.” Decide now how you want your family to feel as the holidays come to an end and we move into the New Year. Also, take a minute to look at what you are realistically capable of, both from a time and energy perspective, as well as financially.

Keeping a consistent routine throughout the holidays can lower the stress level for everyone. It’s easy for the usual rhythm and routines to get thrown off during the holidays. The predictability of a consistent schedule helps lessen the anxiety around all the happenings. For example, if your family is out late looking at Christmas lights, rather than completely skipping a story before bed, just make it a short one. That maintains the predictability kids need. (And you very well could end up spending just as much time arguing about it being too late to read a book.)

For many families there is a build up of excitement leading up to the big present event. This can lead to a crash after the fact when kids (and adults) feel like all of the fun of the holidays is over. It's helpful to have events to look forward to after the big day to make the transition out of the holidays a bit gentler. Going to see ZooLights, a holiday play or concert, or a drive around your own neighborhood to see holiday lights, can ease the feeling of it all being over in one fell swoop. It's great to spread out the holiday fun. Rather than trying to cram everything into two weeks in December, space the various activities out between November and January. Everyone will feel less stressed and you can make the holiday season festive and fun from start to finish.

One of the best ways to sooth a feisty kiddo (or parent) is to get them outside. Take advantage of outdoor activities when planning your holiday. A hayride to get a Christmas tree, a family snowball fight, a walk around the neighborhood to look at lights, or a trip to a good sledding hill, gets everyone a little fresh air. Remember, there’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing. Bundle up and head out!

If you’d like some fresh ideas and insight to help you make it to January feeling connected as a family with a sense of ease and joy during the holidays, we’ve got just the thing. The Guiding Mindset has a holiday course that goes deeper into “Navigating the Holiday Frenzy” to help you minimize the stress and chaos to create more magic and memories. Check our website for more.

The Guiding Mindset in Action: Designated Connection Time

Life is so busy! Especially this time of year. Having a designated time to connect with your child, or as a whole family, not only adds structure and routine, it adds a sense of closeness and ease. This special time helps slow things down to ensure connection, particulary with our fast paced schedules, or for kids needing a little extra time and attention.

From Shannon:
In our house, screens go off at 7pm and my son’s bedtime routine kicks off at 7:30pm. This has created a natural 30-minute block that has become our family connection time. We hang out in H’s room, intentionally and without distractions (leaving phones outside the door). H gets our full attention. Sometimes my husband and son wrestle, sometimes we play a card game together, or other times we have a cuddle puddle and talk about something that’s been going on. We follow H’s lead as to what he’d like to do (within reason, of course).

This is part of our regular routine. H can count on it. And it is something he looks forward to it. Since beginning our hang out time, we’ve noticed the battles to turn off his i-Pad no longer happen. In fact, it is often H that lets us know it’s time.

For littles, it helps to make this a daily time together they can anticipate. For older kids, especially as various practices and events become part of daily life, it may not happen every day but should still occur in a predictable pattern. Make a point to allow the activities to be child-led. This time should be positive and connecting. Since it is a special time of connection, it should not be at risk of being taken away as punishment. Leave teaching or lectures for another time and just follow your child’s flow.

We look forward to supporting you as you support your kids and family. We’re here with tips and tools to help you on your parenting journey. Do you have questions or topics you’d like to know more about?

We’d love to hear from you! Send us an email with your questions to be featured in upcoming Newsletters.

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The Guiding Mindset Newsletter brought to you by:
Tammy Ulrich - parenting & early childhood educator
and her daughter, Shannon Achilles, mom to 10 year old H.